I had a beautiful conversation with a friend of mine yesterday. For the first time in 4 years, he had fallen in love with a girl, and experienced something with her that left him heartbroken.
This is the type of man who, when I met him, had the same walls up that I was personally familiar with. Who made jokes instead of expressing his feelings. The kind of man we all know hasn’t cried in years and considers that a badge of honor.
In a way, when we first met and I recognized what he was doing, I hurt for him. I remember being exactly all of those things. I remember how closed off I was to the kind of human connection that is possible when we let it be.
But as I sat with him, with his head in my lap because of the heart ache he was experiencing, I couldn’t have been more proud of him.
HE WAS FINALLY ALLOWING HIMSELF TO FEEL THE PAIN.
And something finally clicked for me.
WHEN YOU GIVE YOURSELF THE SPACE TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE NO MISTAKES, AND TO LOVE YOURSELF DESPITE ALL THE SHIT YOU’VE DONE – YOU GIVE OTHER PEOPLE THE SPACE TO BE WHO THEY ARE WITHOUT JUDGEMENT OR ATTACHMENT.
You give men the space to reveal strong, intense, or difficult emotions without feeling ashamed.
You give friends the space to share the darkest parts of themselves without feeling judged.
THIS IS MY PURPOSE.
That is why I’m here. It’s why we’re all here – to experience human connection without judgement.
When I was younger I didn’t know how to harness this energy and not lose myself in it or the other person.
Especially with men – I thought that every time a guy said “you understand me like nobody else does” that clearly meant he was supposed to be in love with me.
Today I know we are IN LOVE – and love takes many different forms. He doesn’t have to be my boyfriend or my future husband for us to exist in a space of love together.
And I’m not here to fix or change anyone – only they are in control of that.
I’M JUST HERE TO LOVE THEM ANYWAYS.
Love is not selfless devotion to try and help someone out of their misery. We are not saviors or martyrs.
Because when you love yourself first, it’s much easier to know when it’s time to hold someone,and when it’s time to empower them to step into who they’re meant to be on their own.
LOVE IS WIDE OPEN FREEDOM TO EXIST EXACTLY AS YOU ARE.
Because when you love another person for exactly who they are, then and only then will they be inspired to grow into a better version of themselves.
And the greatest thing I can do to help them is challenge MYSELF to grow just a little bit every day – lead by example – and love them anyways.