So, if you haven’t guessed it, I moved to New York City this past weekend. It’s been a long time coming and something I need, but its amazing how this change has brought my fears out of their shadows!
Check out some of realizations that have come up for me:
1) This could be the worst idea ever, that all of my family members will get sick or die (nice, right?), my boyfriend and I will struggle, and that I’ll end up flat broke. Yes, or this could be the best thing that ever happened to you, lining up all the things you want as the perfect step on your journey.
2) I have a hard time doing what I want because of how it will affect other people. My boss at my old job needs me, my parents will be lonely,etc. etc. I even felt so bad telling someone who wanted to buy my car they couldn’t have it because I sold it to someone else that I ignored his calls for two hours. Take care of your self, dear one, and that’s all that matters.
3) People lighten up once you all realize you probably won’t talk for a while. I’ve learned more about my old co-workers in the last week than I have in two years. My massage therapist and I talked through my whole last session, which has never happened before. He called our last goodbye “bittersweet”. Why do we avoid getting to really know people? Is it because we’re vulnerable to them finding out something about us that they might judge? Well let me tell you, these last couple weeks of getting to know people all over again has been a lot more freeing than it has been painful.
4) I have been SO out of touch with myself. I haven’t written, I haven’t meditated every day (!), I haven’t done my self love rituals. And boy do I notice it. I have been living in the future instead of in the moment -to – moment blessings I have encountered every day leading up to this one. BUT even the three seconds I take to re-focus and to acknowledge my inner spark make me instantly feel energized and loved. Do not neglect this part of you.
5) Goodbyes are the weirdest freaking things ever. I know people say “I won’t say goodbye because I’ll see you again” – but lots of times, that’s really not true. I’m leaving, and the people I am meant to stay in touch with, I will. But you never know who those people end up being. So these goodbyes have been sad but an exciting representation of all the new “Hello’s” I will be having.
There have been a TON of fear-based thoughts running through my head the last few days, but reaching for the closest thing that will make me feel better has helped me to see how great this opportunity is. And the more we focus on those good things, the more we see how blessed each of us really are.
As weird as this is all feeling for me right now, I can’t wait to go on this journey for myself and for you guys, because only good, life-altering, bliss-creating, teachable moments can come out of it.
Are you going through any big changes in your life and having an inner battle between ego (fear) and love? Let me know!!