Last week I started looking through the notes on my iPhone. and I came across something written on September 19, 2011, just 4 months after I graduated from undergrad.
I wrote a description of the ideal scene for my life in 5 years.
HERE’S WHAT IT SAID:
“In five years I will be 27. By that time I hope to be successfully running by own business. I will be busy but it will feel fun and I will have plenty of time for family and friends. I will correspond with clients, readers, and friends online and make money that way. My business will have international reach and appeal. I will have paid off my student loans and be ready to buy a house. I will drive a nice car, have a personal style that shows my personality, and maybe even be engaged. I will write about my experiences and sell books geared towards girls/young women. I will have a thorough website to interact with people on. I will be involved with the United Nations in some way. I will love myself, my life, and a great man – with plenty more adventures to come. Ease, variety, love, and entrepreneurship are all things I wish for life at 27 to encompass”
In four days, two years away from 27, I celebrate my first official day as a business owner.
I even have an accountant, web developer, a fucking brilliant coach, and can work from anywhere I want.
I have a tea date with an entrepreneur that I fan-girled over while reading her blog in 2012.
IT’S A LITTLE SURREAL.
My Ideal Scene makes me laugh because I just remember having so much doubt.
I never could have planned for things to work out the way they have now.
I had so many nights of anxiety wondering how I would ever figure it out on my own with no savings and no real game plan.
Truth is I still have all of that fear. But reading this reminded me that I always get what I want, just not in the way I plan it.
And as for the love thing? I feel closer to being the person I want to be and show up as in a relationship than ever.
Not only that, but what I wanted in a relationship at 21 has totally changed.
Now, commitment isn’t about promising yourself to one person for the rest of your life.
It’s about committing to choosing someone over and over every day.
It’s having the tough conversations no matter how scared you are they might reject you.
It isn’t about someone else completing you.
It’s taking responsibility for your own life and inspiring each other because you do that so well.
If one day we aren’t sure we want to choose each other anymore, it’s about committing to having that conversation and giving the other person the opportunity to shift the situation. Or not.
I now believe it is possible to marry the love of your life and one day love someone else instead. But committing to the risk is better than not trying at all.
SO WHAT WOULD I TELL THE GIRL WHO WROTE THAT IDEAL SCENE THREE YEARS AGO?
The one that was jealous of “all the other women” working from the beach, rocking amazing outfits, driving white BMW’s with their hot, successful husband next to them and inspiring people with their books?
Babe, you’re right on track.
The fear is going to feel more intense the bigger you become, but you’ll learn how to deal with it.
Those people who tell you that you’re crazy to move to NYC or leave your job with benefits? They need you to lead by example.
That belief that you’ll somehow go back on food stamp? Not true. You have amazing friends and family already willing to invest in you. And what would be so bad even if you did for a little while?
It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to feel scary and lonely and you’re going to get depressed sometimes.
But nobody who has made a difference did it because they were average.
And men? They’re not assholes, they’re human.
Hey you there, reading this. I want to challenge you to write your Ideal Scene for 5 years from now. Don’t edit or filter yourself. Lay it all out there. Include things but also how you want to FEEL. And then tuck it away. You might just surprise yourself when you read it again.
Share in the comments some of your Ideal Scene if you feel inspired. Or just let me know what this brought up for you.